Money only means trouble

I'm kinda freakin' out right now, although i guess i should be happy.

I finally got a notification about accident benefit. Which is actually good. The accident was last year and it took them long enough to figure out if i was entitled to receive accident benefit. So I'm glad the decision was made. I also get much more than i ever expected. I mean it's not really much but since it was just volunteer work and i got allowances for the working hours, i didn't expect it to be so much.

I don't even get how they calculated my accident benefit. I mean i get that it is somehow a percentage of my annual earnings, but where did that amount of annual earnings come from?? I never earned much, and it varied every month, because i just had to come to "work" when my aunt asked me to babysit my little cousin! So how come I'm supposed to get more accident benefit per month than i have ever earned by babysitting my cousin?

Not that I'm complaining! And at first i was really excited about that. But than reality kicked in again and i realized: I can't really keep that money! Since i get social welfare at the moment, they're gonna take it away from me... (by reducing my welfare by the amount of the benefit). And although i don't really agree with it, it's the law and i can live with it.

But what really bothers me, is the back pay i'm gonna receive for the last year. It's a lot of money, and i don't know how the jobcenter is gonna treat this issue. I considered a few possibilities that really scare me right now! I know somehow they won't let me keep that money. That one is for sure. But that's not really what frightens me.

As far as i know the jobcenter they're gonna reduce my welfare... quite possibly by 100%. Which wouldn't actually be that bad. Not being dependent on welfare for a few months sounds great to me. But the jobcenter wanted me to start a job retraining in July to become an office clerk. And although I'm still not a 100% sure if that's really what i want, it could be a great opportunity for me. And the thought of losing the chance worries me. I mean if the jobcenter isn't responsible for my welfare at that time i guess they won't pay for the job retraining either. And i could not afford it...

And that's why i really can't be happy about that notification at all. I'm just worried and scared and have a lot of questions on my mind... but i have to wait till monday until i can get anyone to possibly answer any of them.. and that makes me really anxious!